We all have our own sins, our own personal demons. If you say you are without sin, then you're a liar, which is also a sin, isn't it?
Worry is my biggest sin that I battle with.
I worry about everything. If I don't have something to worry about, I will find someone else who is worrying so I can put their worries in my spongey little brain. Then, I will continue my day worrying for them too.
Lately, I've been worrying a little extra. Trauma from the past that I thought was still in the past is hitting the front realm of my brain. Nightmares, flashbacks, sudden bouts of panic, it's all raw in my mind again.
There's nothing I can really do. Maybe go to a therapist, but I've never been the type to seek help for anything. I silently fight through my battles. The only difference in me back when I fought battles on my own versus now, is I have God on my side and I know this.
Last night, the panic once again set in my mind. I began silently panicking in my own head. On the outside, I looked calm, collected, and stared off in thought a lot. My husband saw something was off even through my calm demeanor. He knows when my mind is whirlwinding me and sending me into a tornado of chaos. He asked what was on my mind, I pressed my lips together and shook my head, then smiled, "I'm fine." Most people would take this answer, but not him.
For the rest of the night, my thoughts haunted me. The why questions sting the worst. I sat down on the couch after a somewhat calming shower and I just sat staring at the tv, which played FBI files reruns. I couldn't focus on the tv because my mind was going so fast. Something caught my attention in the midst of the chaos that my head was spinning in.
My study bible on my table next to my day chair where I do all my work, it was as if it were calling me. I got the bible and began flipping through. I couldn't focus on it either. My thoughts kept sending me into dark places. Then, I hit a certain page that had been marked with a dried pine sapling. The pine sapling was from our son's grave in the woods. It began growing over him so I plucked it so the roots wouldn't pull him up or anything. Then I pressed it into my bible.
The page was highlighted heavily.
It was a study page on, you guessed it, worry.
It's called Worry: The Paralysis of Faith.
Some key points I had highlighted in this section, brought peace to my mind and stopped the whirlwind of worry in its tracks, I hope that this helps at least one of you who is reading this.
When you worry, you assume responsibility for things you were never meant to handle. (THIS SPOKE TO ME ON SO MANY LEVELS!)
Worrying does not change anything (Matt. 6:27) except to draw your focus away from God and His faithfulness and righteousness to concerns about the things of life, such as possessions and material goods (Matt.6:31).
Worry is a choking, harmful emotion that saps your energy and elevates human strength and ingenuity above God's strength and His purposeful plan.
Worry is the opposite of faith, suggesting that God cannot be trusted to take care of you or to provide what you need (Phil. 4:19) Worry causes fear to crowd out faith.
In the final reckoning, the cowardly are listed alongside the "unbelieving".
The road from worry to faith begins with recognizing that worry is sin and confession of lack of faith. (Ps 139:23), continues with deliverance (Ps 34:4), and finally ends with the assurance that absolutely nothing can separate you from the love of God who is the great I AM.
Hope this helps those of you who are in a tornado of worry right now, it sure helped me in the midst of my own chaotic whirlwind.
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