I had always heard, "If you have the faith the size of a mustard seed, you can move mountains."
But I had never really thought of it.
As a child, I sat on the side of the hill looking out over the mountains at our mountain house. They were so big, I thought to myself How could I possibly move that mountain with my faith? I thought it was literal but as I got older I saw it differently.
Going through infertility and miscarriage is the biggest mountain I have had to go over thus far.
Many people don't understand and will never understand, and that's okay.
This is my testimony, not theirs. But when I woke up in the days after losing our baby girl, it was such a heavy feeling that I felt as if life would never continue on. It felt like life was paused and standing still. It felt like I was permanently stuck in a panic attack. My chest was tight and I felt sick every day. I felt like I'd never move on.
I look back at Precious' death versus Junior's and I see a difference.
With Precious, I didn't have the same faith that I did with Junior. The moment I looked at the screen and I saw Junior lying there I knew in my heart that he was gone. I was so devastated and in shock that I blocked out everyone. I went home and laid in bed all afternoon.
THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOUNTAINS THE BIBLE SPOKE OF.
But my faith in God told me that my sweet little boy was okay and in good hands and no matter how hard it was, I had the faith that my baby was safe and sound. I knew he was watching over us. I can't tell you how many times I felt the warmth of his presence in the two weeks after his passing.
It's been 8 months now since he was called back to Heaven. We've passed his due date and although it was hard, we made it through the worst days that I thought would never end.
God has helped move so many mountains in our lives in the past year and I pray He continues moving these mountains that we are battling.
Whatever mountain you have to deal with right now whether it be your job, relationship, infertility, cancer, depression, anxiety, whatever your mountain is, have the faith the size of a mustard seed and you can move this mountain.
Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.
Mark 11:23
And Jesus answered them, “Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen.
Matthew 21:21
And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 1 John 5:14 He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
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