Last night I had a dream of him, our son. I sometimes dream of him as a child but last night I saw him as a teenager and as a man.
I was in the woods where he is buried. I stood alone and something was running circles around me at the speed of light. I knew it was there circling me, but I couldn't see it. I became frantic and then a man walked into the woods along the path, He could only be described as peace in a man form. It was Jesus. The thing circling us continued as I held close to Jesus, then He stepped back and slowed it down so I could see who or what it was.
Then, in front of me stood Junior.
A toddler, probably about two years old just as I have seen him in so many visions and dreams.
A teenager, about my height, Kevin's body build, chubby cheeks, and wearing a t-shirt, jeans, boots, and glasses. A man, very tall, my great grandfather's height, Kevin's body build, that barrel chest with broad shoulders, not very chunky as he was in teenage form.
Teenaged Junior stepped up to me, I put my hand on his cheek just as I do Kevin many times and I said, "I love you." and he smiled and said, "I love you too mama." Then he began to float up through the trees and the other forms of him disappeared. I reached up for him but I couldn't get to him. I cried out to Jesus and ran into His arms and he held me, then I backed up and said, "We have some things to talk about, don't we?" The expression on His face was blank and he slowly nodded his head yes.
Then, my dad called in real life and woke me up. I wondered what the dream meant. You never know how many people don't believe in God or Jesus until you look up the meaning of dreaming of Him. But I couldn't help but to wonder, if maybe, just maybe, God was sending me a message.
A few weeks ago, I wrestled with God.
I fell asleep as usual on the couch, the farmer helped me to bed at about 2:00 am, and I laid there a little while. Normally I would have fallen right back to sleep, but on this particular night, sleep was not in my vocabulary. I tossed and turned and then at some point I began to get severely "in my feelings" as the teenagers say. I was upset, I just wanted my babies. I began to pray to God, "Why me? Why did you have to take my babies? Why did my body not take care of them? What's happening to my body? Why won't you help me?" I begged him to help me get through it. Then, at about 4:30 am I got instructions from God.
I always heard that when you hear a still, small voice that's God and you need to listen. I thought they were all crazy but I have heard Him a few times and His voice is unlike any thoughts you could've had on your own.
I heard Him say, "18 days. Fast & Pray, water, broth, fruits, and vegetables."
In that moment, I said Okay God! I can do it! Then, after getting the instructions I was able to peacefully fall fast asleep.
Then morning came.
The next morning I was reminiscing on my instructions from God and I just said to myself, "How in the world am I supposed to do this? I can't do this. This is crazy." I wondered if it was really from God or if I was just going crazy. Then I counted the eighteen days, it would be December 30th. Ugh. Fasting, through Christmas? This was going to be a doozy. But the last day of the 18 days was also the day before I went to get bloodwork done. What are the odds of that?
But I honestly, was a little nervous about what would happen if I didn't. I cut out meat, bread, & sugar starting that day and I ate nothing but fruits, eggs, some seafood, nuts, and vegetables.
The first few days were HORRIBLE. I almost cried because I wanted chocolate and sloppy joes so bad. I went out and bought some sugar-free chocolate to satisfy the cravings. I had one headache on the second day. I made homemade chicken broth to sip on and froze it. It was a learning experience. I prayed for strength each day and I prayed to learn what it was that God needed to reveal to me. I didn't do it as strictly as instructed but giving up meat and sugar, was a huge thing for me. I tried to keep myself nourished while still fasting and praying.
My husband said, "I could never do it." at least a million times and he actually thought I wasn't serious about it until we went to Publix on our weekly grocery run and I bought 95% fruit and veggies. He was surprised I guess that I was going to go through with it.
By week two I was finally getting used to saying no to sugar and meat. I was realizing I kinda like sugar-free chocolate. I checked my weight. I had lost 5 lbs by week two! But it wasn't until Kevin was getting a hard look at me that he said, "You don't look as puffy as usual." Then, I talked to my friends about it and we realized that I wasn't eating chicken!
(I was told I was allergic to chicken at age 13, then at age 14 was when I began to "blow up" seemingly overnight.) We thought it was just my PCOS, but could it have been my allergies to the food I was eating? I thought I just had intestinal issues when it came to the chicken, but allergies do make you swell and I was no longer swelling after cutting out meat! Even the puffiness around my eyes began to go down.
I was also noticing a difference in my face. My skin looked healthy and glowed, almost like a pregnancy glow, but without the pregnancy.
Right now, I have 4 days left of my fasting and praying. I'm beginning to have dreams where I'm visited by Jesus and our son, and I'm beginning to wonder, what is it that God is trying to tell me through the fasting, praying, and my dreams? What were we going to talk about before I was woken up?
-Lady of the Farm.
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